AMO: Inday! may namamalimos sa gate, pa alisin mo nga…

INDAY: Right away ma’am..
“Hey you! putrid-smelling beggar w/ the diverse ambiance of scented junkfat assails everbodys nostrils poison everyones fresh and carbon free lungs, LEAVE THIS PLACE NOW!!!

BEGGAR: Pardon me, but who do you think you are? You pathetic trying hard nanny! How could you, a social climber FAG & a very low grade mammal, under estimate a high-class beggar like me? Now… BACK OFF!

INDAY: Ma’am, my bisita po kau…

–

Source: Clyde over YM :))

Posted: July 4th, 2008 under Joke of the Day.
Comments: 2

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had experienced a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his office and said, “I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.” He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off! About a month later, the little old lady came in to his shop. “And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly. “The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,” she said. “I’m here to thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?”

Posted: June 19th, 2008 under Joke of the Day, Trips.
Comments: 3

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.” “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?” “You’re a Congressman in the U.S. government,” says the cowboy. “Wow, that’s correct,” says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?” “No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

Posted: June 18th, 2008 under Joke of the Day.
Comments: none